NEGLIGENCE WITH SECRET INTENT
Who would have thought that complex psychological problems are hidden behind ordinary absent-mindedness! This is amazing discovery I did it at the “Know Yourself” training seminar, which was conducted by the candidate of medical sciences, psychotherapist Semyon Sherman.
What is the most expensive item you have lost recently? he asked me.
Cell phone, - I confessed and explained the reason. There was a weak clip on his case. And while walking, he unhooked from the belt of his trousers.
Not! Semyon Grigoryevich assured me. - The reason is much deeper. Without suspecting it, you deliberately committed negligence - you didn’t follow it.
Specially? - I was indignant. - It was a new and very expensive phone!
Remember who you talked to the most on that phone before you lost it? the doctor squinted slyly.
I have remembered. Then I was strongly pestered by one unpleasant type. I've exhausted all my nerves...
Here, Sherman concludes with satisfaction. - The phone got lost and the problem was solved. You stopped communicating with the enemy.
UNNECESSARY UMBRELLA
Laughter is laughter, but Sigmund Freud spoke about the unconscious intent that accompanies certain losses. And he assured me that they can often be regarded as a symptom that reveals some kind of our problem, an internal conflict. And this lost thing, most likely, will be connected with that area of life - be it work or relationships with loved ones, where we feel insecure, where something does not satisfy us.
As proof, Freud always cited the example of a boy who constantly lost toys that he did not like or were tired of.
Or it often happens that an umbrella has just been lying in front of your eyes - you look around, but it is no longer there, - philosopher and psychoanalyst Anna Kiryanova gives another example. - And he “disappears” from the field of view because on a subconscious level you understand: you just don’t want to take an umbrella. Moreover, weather forecasts, as a rule, do not justify themselves.
Or another example: we lose the address of a person, rummage through all the notebooks - in vain. It's like you wrote the address in disappearing ink. This suggests that subconsciously we do not want to maintain a relationship with this "addressee".
NO KEYS - NO SCANDAL
Many often lose the keys to the house, I say. - Some kind of self-harm is obtained ...
Those who regularly lose their keys to the house confess in a conversation that they have tense relationships in the family and they do not want to return home, where they are waiting for a scandal or hostile relationship, the psychologist explains. - It happens that people cannot remember where they put the keys. This speaks of fatigue, "intoxication" from communication and the desire to be alone.
It is not uncommon for many of us to forget or lose our belongings in a stressful situation or when we are preoccupied with something that excites us. But as soon as we begin to realize what exactly worries us, then absent-mindedness disappears.
Here is one case told in one psychological magazine: “At work, I constantly lost all sorts of little things: either I leave the keys to the office or the safe at home, or I can’t find a notebook with business records, or I’ll forget my wallet in the dining room,” writes Victoria, 29 years old , logistics. - At first I treated this with irony, considered absent-mindedness as my sweet feature, with a laugh I told my colleagues and friends about it. But at some point I noticed that they didn’t seem to take me seriously: at work, an interesting project was given to a colleague, a friend once said that she wouldn’t trust me even for an hour with her child. And then I realized: my absent-mindedness, all these “losses” and “forgetting” are just an unwillingness to take responsibility for my life, fear of any obligations. Realizing this, I became a more pedantic person, and now I have my things with me. In addition, the attitude of colleagues and friends towards me has changed for the better.
BELIEVE - DON'T BELIEVE
Psychoanalyst Daria BEREZHNAYA:
If you have lost something and are sure that it is at home, then you need to do the following. When you go to bed, think very strongly about this thing, imagine it in every detail. Remember the stories associated with it. And already in a dream you will see certain symbols that will help you find it. Of course, it is unlikely that you will see in a dream the closet behind which your loss has fallen. But some identification marks that will give you guidelines will definitely be a dream. When you wake up, listen to your intuition and go in the direction it sends you. And there, most likely, you will find the loss.
Is there some more folk method. You need to say: “Damn, damn it, play and give it back,” thinking about the lost thing. And she will show up soon.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE
Ways to beat distraction
Elena SHAKHNOVSKAYA, consultant psychologist, author of Psychologies magazine:
1. You need to make friends with things.
An easy way to become more mindful of things is to put your emotions into them. Buy a funny keychain, a beautiful wallet. With things that we like, we tend to handle more carefully.
2. Take responsibility.
Thinking that we are losing things due to random circumstances (“I got pissed off at work”), we shift the responsibility to them and can’t influence the situation in any way. It is important to remember that the reason for our absent-mindedness is in ourselves, and a lost thing can symbolize some kind of our problem.
3. Ask yourself a question.
It’s helpful to ask yourself, “If the loss meant something, what did it mean?” Listen to your emotions: somewhere on the periphery of irritation or confusion, you can find relief. It is this experience that can lead you to the correct answer. What load would you like to get rid of? What worries you? Perhaps you internally reject this part of life, or, conversely, its value to you is so great that it causes anxiety that you cannot cope with.
On the one hand, the more often you take part in the search for things, the more often you will be contacted with such a request. On the other hand, a loved one can in this way let you know that he feels confused, lonely. If you pull away, then, in fact, you do not react in any way to the SOS signal that a person, albeit unconsciously, can afford. Be insightful and try to understand what is happening to him, what exactly he cannot tell you directly. And then already respond not to the symptom, but to the cause.
FOLK SIGNS
Values of finds
If you find an old key, then it promises an early resolution of some problems. As in the fairy tale "Alice in Wonderland", it will open new doors and new opportunities.
A found ring can bring bad luck, because it is very closely related to the person who wore it.
To find a cross is to take on the burden of other people's suffering. It is best to take such a find to the temple, where they will tell you what to do with it.
If money is found, then part of it must be given to poor, needy people, and the rest spent on some trifles, so that they leave just as easily as they came.
Finding some kind of animal on the street - a dog or a cat - is also not accidental. It's like your test, exam, test. What will you do with this animal: will you drive it out, feed it or take it to yourself - depending on this, your future will develop. Found cats usually bring great happiness.
But the found treasure can bring misfortune. No wonder there is a proverb: "If you get a treasure, you won't be at home." After all, when someone buries a treasure, they wish with all their heart that they would not find it. And he curses in advance the one who finds it.
Why am I losing everything? Where do things, tools, documents disappear? I can not find. What to do about distraction?
(10+)
Why am I losing everything? Where do things, tools, documents go? What to do about distraction?
Question:
I can't find my things, I'm losing everything. I can lose my phone, documents, money. I can't find tools and things at home. What to do?
Answer:
We will lose everything
As I already said, attention disorders are a natural consequence of the flow of information that has greatly increased in recent times. Our brain has not yet adapted to these changes, and technology has not learned how to intelligently filter and process this information for us. At different people Attention disorders manifest themselves in varying degrees. Some are more receptive, some less.
Some people go into a stress spiral, as I call it. So, a person has lost something, cannot find it. Some spit and relax. But some begin to think about it, to concentrate on it. When again you need to find or save something, not to lose, then instead of concentrating on your task, such a person begins to think about how he loses everything, cannot find anything. Accordingly, stress arises, which contributes to even greater forgetfulness.
In such a situation, the path of small improvements helps very well. If you manage to improve the situation a little, then your mood will improve further. Well, an improvement in mood will lead to an improvement in concentration. The spiral will begin to unwind in the other direction. You may even eventually become a master of concentration.
How to stop losing things? Simple Steps
How to quickly improve the situation with absent-mindedness? Five easy steps.
Change your diet. Drink calming nutritional supplements. Eliminate overeating, stimulants that cause rapid jumps in nervous activity, such as coffee. If you are unbearable without a stimulant, drink Far Eastern lemongrass tea. It stimulates much more gently than coffee, but for a longer time. Be careful, it can cause an increase in blood pressure, although not as strong as coffee, and insomnia. It can be combined with sedatives food additives. It turns out very well. In the morning a cup of lemongrass, in the evening something soothing. Eliminate alcohol and psychotropic drugs.
Limit the flow of information. Watch less TV, read less, use the Internet and phone less. Walk more, relax. Moderate exercise will help.
Eliminate the possibility of losing key items outside the home. In order not to lose things in thought, I tie them. Now such coils are sold on springs, from which a thin, strong thread is pulled out, if you pull it. And if you let go, it retracts. Usually they are used for attaching badges. I have a wallet, a wallet with a passport and mobile phone. I tightly adapted the coil itself to a good safety pin, and cut the rope from a toy plastic head and tightly tied it to my wallet / purse / mobile case. I put an object in my pocket, immediately fasten a coil from it to the same pocket. Now I don't worry about losing these important things, I don't spend my attention on them and I don't feel stressed. One day a pickpocket pulled out my wallet with my passport. But he didn't take it far. And he took away a bruise under his eye.
Get standard places for items. Each time after you have used one or another item, put it in its usual place.
Remove all foreign objects from your field of vision. Get yourself a job. Whatever you do, first prepare your workspace. Remove from your field of view all objects that you do not need now and can distract you.
These simple tips will help to quickly improve the situation with absent-mindedness. And then remember about the spiral unwinding in reverse side. Do not worry.
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NEGLIGENCE WITH SECRET INTENT
Who would have thought that complex psychological problems are hidden behind ordinary absent-mindedness! I made this amazing discovery at the “Know Yourself” training seminar, which was conducted by the candidate of medical sciences, psychotherapist Semyon Sherman.
What is the most expensive item you have lost recently? he asked me.
Cell phone, - I confessed and explained the reason. There was a weak clip on his case. And while walking, he unhooked from the belt of his trousers.
Not! Semyon Grigoryevich assured me. - The reason is much deeper. Without suspecting it, you deliberately committed negligence - you didn’t follow it.
Specially? - I was indignant. - It was a new and very expensive phone!
Remember who you talked to the most on that phone before you lost it? the doctor squinted slyly.
I have remembered. Then I was strongly pestered by one unpleasant type. I've exhausted all my nerves...
Here, Sherman concludes with satisfaction. - The phone got lost and the problem was solved. You stopped communicating with the enemy.
UNNECESSARY UMBRELLA
Laughter is laughter, but Sigmund Freud spoke about the unconscious intent that accompanies certain losses. And he assured me that they can often be regarded as a symptom that reveals some kind of our problem, an internal conflict. And this lost thing, most likely, will be connected with that area of life - be it work or relationships with loved ones, where we feel insecure, where something does not satisfy us.
As proof, Freud always cited the example of a boy who constantly lost toys that he did not like or were tired of.
Or it often happens that an umbrella has just been lying in front of your eyes - you look around, but it is no longer there, - philosopher and psychoanalyst Anna Kiryanova gives another example. - And he “disappears” from the field of view because on a subconscious level you understand: you just don’t want to take an umbrella. Moreover, weather forecasts, as a rule, do not justify themselves.
Or another example: we lose the address of a person, rummage through all the notebooks - in vain. It's like you wrote the address in disappearing ink. This suggests that subconsciously we do not want to maintain a relationship with this "addressee".
NO KEYS - NO SCANDAL
Many often lose the keys to the house, I say. - Some kind of self-harm is obtained ...
Those who regularly lose their keys to the house confess in a conversation that they have tense relationships in the family and they do not want to return home, where they are waiting for a scandal or hostile relationship, the psychologist explains. - It happens that people cannot remember where they put the keys. This speaks of fatigue, "intoxication" from communication and the desire to be alone.
It is not uncommon for many of us to forget or lose our belongings in a stressful situation or when we are preoccupied with something that excites us. But as soon as we begin to realize what exactly worries us, then absent-mindedness disappears.
Here is one case told in one psychological magazine: “At work, I constantly lost all sorts of little things: either I leave the keys to the office or the safe at home, or I can’t find a notebook with business records, or I’ll forget my wallet in the dining room,” writes Victoria, 29 years old , logistics. - At first I treated this with irony, considered absent-mindedness as my sweet feature, with a laugh I told my colleagues and friends about it. But at some point I noticed that they didn’t seem to take me seriously: at work, an interesting project was given to a colleague, a friend once said that she wouldn’t trust me even for an hour with her child. And then I realized: my absent-mindedness, all these “losses” and “forgetting” are just an unwillingness to take responsibility for my life, fear of any obligations. Realizing this, I became a more pedantic person, and now I have my things with me. In addition, the attitude of colleagues and friends towards me has changed for the better.
BELIEVE - DON'T BELIEVE
Psychoanalyst Daria Berezhnaya:
If you have lost something and are sure that it is at home, then you need to do the following. When you go to bed, think very strongly about this thing, imagine it in every detail. Remember the stories associated with it. And already in a dream you will see certain symbols that will help you find it. Of course, it is unlikely that you will see in a dream the closet behind which your loss has fallen. But some identification marks that will give you guidelines will definitely be a dream. When you wake up, listen to your intuition and go in the direction it sends you. And there, most likely, you will find the loss.
There is also a folk method. You need to say: “Damn, damn it, play and give it back,” thinking about the lost thing. And she will show up soon.
PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE
Ways to beat distraction
Elena Shakhnovskaya, consultant psychologist, author of Psychologies magazine:
1. You need to make friends with things.
An easy way to become more mindful of things is to put your emotions into them. Buy a funny keychain, a beautiful wallet. With things that we like, we tend to handle more carefully.
2. Take responsibility.
Thinking that we are losing things due to random circumstances (“I got pissed off at work”), we shift the responsibility to them and can’t influence the situation in any way. It is important to remember that the reason for our absent-mindedness is in ourselves, and a lost thing can symbolize some kind of our problem.
3. Ask yourself a question.
It’s helpful to ask yourself, “If the loss meant something, what did it mean?” Listen to your emotions: somewhere on the periphery of irritation or confusion, you can find relief. It is this experience that can lead you to the correct answer. What load would you like to get rid of? What worries you? Perhaps you internally reject this part of life, or, conversely, its value to you is so great that it causes anxiety that you cannot cope with.
On the one hand, the more often you take part in the search for things, the more often you will be contacted with such a request. On the other hand, a loved one can in this way let you know that he feels confused, lonely. If you pull away, then, in fact, you do not react in any way to the SOS signal that a person, albeit unconsciously, can afford. Be insightful and try to understand what is happening to him, what exactly he cannot tell you directly. And then already respond not to the symptom, but to the cause.
FOLK SIGNS
Values of finds
If you find an old key, then it promises an early resolution of some problems. As in the fairy tale "Alice in Wonderland", it will open new doors and new opportunities.
A found ring can bring bad luck, because it is very closely related to the person who wore it.
To find a cross is to take on the burden of other people's suffering. It is best to take such a find to the temple, where they will tell you what to do with it.
If money is found, then part of it must be given to poor, needy people, and the rest spent on some trifles, so that they leave just as easily as they came.
Finding some kind of animal on the street - a dog or a cat - is also not accidental. It's like your test, exam, test. What will you do with this animal: will you drive it out, feed it or take it to yourself - depending on this, your future will develop. Found cats usually bring great happiness.
But the found treasure can bring misfortune. No wonder there is a proverb: "If you get a treasure, you won't be at home." After all, when someone buries a treasure, they wish with all their heart that they would not find it. And he curses in advance the one who finds it.
Svetlana Kuzina
Their absent-mindedness might seem funny if it weren't so much trouble. Without plane tickets, the vacation will not take place. Lost keys become a problem for the whole family. “Today, I don’t lose things so often, but I suffered a lot because of my absent-mindedness,” admits 37-year-old Olga. “The most unpleasant memory is connected with school: I managed to fail the annual math test because I lost my keys the day before and couldn’t get home all day before my parents arrived.”
At first glance, it may seem that this is just disorganization. Relatives, friends and colleagues reproach such a person for being indifferent to the requirements of real life and do not trust him with important matters. But, if you look more closely, there may be psychological reasons behind absent-mindedness.
forget too much
Many people forget or lose things from time to time. And this is not surprising, because forgetting is a natural mental process.
“Our consciousness is constantly affected by a powerful stream of information, and because of the threat of glut, it leaves a lot of facts without attention,” explains French psychoanalyst Gerard Pommier. “Therefore, we do most of the usual actions automatically - we put the keys in our pocket, put our mobile phone in our bag - and we don’t even realize it.” Yet some of us lose and forget things more often than others.
"I didn't want to make a commitment"
Victoria, 29 years old, logistics
“At work, I constantly lost all sorts of little things: either I’ll leave the keys to the office or the safe at home, or I can’t find a notebook with business records, or I’ll forget my wallet in the dining room. At first, I treated this with irony, considered absent-mindedness as a cute feature, and told colleagues and friends about it with a laugh. But at some point I noticed that they didn’t seem to take me seriously: at work, an interesting project was given to a colleague, a friend once said that she wouldn’t trust me even for an hour with her child. And then I realized: absent-mindedness, all these losses and forgetting - just an unwillingness to take responsibility for my life, fear of any obligations. Realizing this, I became a more pedantic person, and now my things are with me. In addition, the attitude of colleagues and friends towards me has changed for the better.
Unravel unconscious messages
“My husband and I could not agree for a long time where to go on vacation. I wanted to go to the sea, and my husband - to the mountains. In the end, I gave in, but the trip almost fell through: the day before I left, I lost my plane tickets,” says 32-year-old Anna.
“Often a lost thing can be considered as a symptom that reveals some kind of our problem, an internal conflict,” explains psychoanalytic psychotherapist Tatyana Drabkina. - This thing is most likely connected with that sphere of life (work, home, relationships with people), where we feel insecure, where something greatly disturbs us, does not satisfy us. For example, having lost her tickets, Anna unconsciously tried to inform her husband that the upcoming trip did not suit her, that her needs were not taken into account.
We are more likely to forget or lose things in a stressful situation or when we are preoccupied with what excites us. But as soon as we begin to realize what exactly worries us, absent-mindedness disappears.
What to do?
make friends with things
An easy way to become more mindful of things is to put emotion into them. Buy a funny keychain, a beautiful wallet. With things that we like, we tend to handle more carefully.
To take the responsibility
Thinking that we are losing things due to random circumstances (“I got pissed off at work”), we shift the responsibility to them and can’t influence the situation in any way. It is important to remember that the reason for our absent-mindedness is in ourselves, and a lost thing can symbolize some kind of our problem.
Ask yourself a question
It’s helpful to ask yourself, “If the loss meant something, what did it mean?” Listen to your emotions: somewhere on the periphery of irritation or confusion, you can find relief. It is this experience that can lead you to the correct answer.
What load would you like to get rid of? What worries you? Perhaps you internally reject this part of life, or, conversely, its value to you is so great that it causes anxiety that you cannot cope with.
Do not blame a loved one who is prone to losing things, but do not be condescending to him either. On the one hand, the more often you take part in the search for things, the more often you will be contacted with such a request. On the other hand, a loved one can in this way let you know that he feels confused, lonely.
If you pull away, then, in fact, you do not react in any way to the SOS signal that a person, albeit unconsciously, can afford. Be insightful and try to understand what is happening to him, what exactly he cannot tell you directly. And then already respond not to the symptom, but to the cause.
